The disease of addiction affects family members in different ways. The disease is a puzzling one for those in the family system.  Members can work to control or change the addict/alcoholic to no avail; this can involve a family member joining in the addiction by drinking or using with the addict. Family members also can choose to distance themselves from the active disease.  These reactions cause distressing feelings for family members, who need to learn that they didn’t cause the disease, they can’t control it, and they can’t cure it.  A wise person once said that trying to change, control, or cure is not morally or ethically wrong; it just doesn’t work!

When a family member begins recovery, the dynamics of the dysfunctional patterns begin to change as well.  The recovering person learns to speak one language while family members are left to decode that language without much support.

The family system becomes unpredictable, chaotic and frightening.  As a result of this unhealthy living, “wounds” are formed and activated. These wounds may be long-lasting and require counseling and/or attendance at groups such as Alanon, Adult Children of Alcoholics, etc.  However, with healthy communication and support, healthy patterns can be integrated into the family system.